If you have ever cheated on someone you're seeing and regretted it, you may be harboring some feelings of intense guilt. It may have felt right in the heat of the moment, but cheating can cause some lasting emotional damage on both you and the victim. The only way to move on from it is embracing the truth and making a concrete effort to reconcile with yourself and with the one you have hurt.
To help you out are some steps you can take to deal with guilt from cheating.
Own up to it.
Your initial reaction may be to come up with excuses or even denying it. It may be easier to hide it, but the guilt will slowly nibble at you until you break. Slowly admit to yourself what you did and articulate it when you are alone. This will help you gather the courage to do what is right.
Confess.
If you haven't done so already, you should confess to the one you have cheated on. A major cause of guilt could be the fact that you hid it for so long and you are afraid of the repercussions. The sooner you confess, the sooner your partner can come to terms with what you did and hopefully forgive you. It's a major weight off your shoulders even if it may stir strong resentful emotions from your partner.
Do right by your partner.
Guilt is painful but it's worth dealing with if it means repairing your relationship. Do right by your partner by asking what you can do to make it up to him/her. If you don't take the effort to make things right, the guilt may only become worse. It's never too late to start.
Learn.
Every mistake is a learning experience so even if it didn't work out for your relationship, you can be sure that you won't make the same mistake again. Explore what led you to do it, and evaluate what needs changing. Analyze the sequence of the actions that led up to making the bad decision and think about what you could have done to prevent it.
It may also help to think about what made you let it happen. Figuring out the answers can improve the way you look at yourself and ultimately leads you to understand the whole situation.
Seek help.
It doesn't have to be the professional sort. Have a conversation with a religious leader, counselor, or a good friend. Talk about the reasons behind the cheating and make sure to explain the guilt that you are feeling.
You're talking to them not so much to explain your actions, but to help guide you through the motivations that led you to cheat. Having someone who won't pass judgment is therapeutic in this way.
Avoid the illicit lover.
If the lover you cheated with keeps contact with you, shut him out of your life as soon as possible. Regretting your actions is one thing, but showing your partner that you are actively making the effort to turn things around will let them know that you have the capacity to change.
Forgive yourself.
While your partner may not forgive you right away, it's good to start the process of forgiving yourself on the inside. You made extremely poor judgment calls, no one is infallible. There needs to be a time when you stop kicking yourself over your mistake. Continuing to resent yourself won't help your partner either.
Even the purest person can make mistakes. Whether it was intentional or not, having been cheated on is one of the most devastating things someone can endure but it isn't always unforgivable. Just allow your partner to take their time and allow them to cope. Good luck.
If you have been cheated on, our hearts go out to you. How did you recover? Did it work out between you both? Please share your stories in the comments section below.
