When you've discovered that your boyfriend has done something behind your back, lied to you, or cheated on you, your first thought should be to confront him right away. However, if you face him in the heat of the moment, the situation might just blow up in your faces. The turnout may be very different from what you've expected.
If you focus more on the fact that he did something wrong rather than the reason behind why he did it, the confrontation will have an adverse effect on your relationship. To help you out are some tips on confronting your boyfriend.
Wait for your anger to subside.
They say, "speak when you are angry and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret." Nothing rings truer than this statement. Try to wait for your anger to subside before you face him. Confronting him while you are still at the height of your emotions will only mess up the message you're trying to convey. Also, he is likely to find it difficult to open up to you when you are clearly upset. Give yourself some time to breathe first so you can deal with the situation maturely.
Sit down with him.
Once you have achieved calmness and levelheadedness, sit down with your partner. Get rid of all distractions so you can focus on each other and the situation you are trying to fix. Turn off the television and your mobile phones so nothing can disturb you. Then, talk things through like mature adults. Try your best to avoid yelling at each other.
Don't play the blame game.
Even though a guy is at fault, he doesn't want to get attacked. Don't point out his faults right away. Don't blame him for his mistakes the minute you sit down with him. When he feels attacked, he might shut down. He can become defensive and instead of telling you the truth, he resorts to denial or putting the blame on you instead. He can also walk out on you, leaving your questions unanswered. So, don't play the blame game and attack him because these will just make things worse.
Let him know how you feel.
Instead of pointing your finger at him, make him understand how you feel about what he did. Don't make him feel that you are judging him. He's more likely to listen to you when you talk about what you feel, and not about what he has done wrong. You can start with "I feel," or "There's something that's upsetting me," or "I am bothered," or any opening statement that focuses on you, and not him. This will help him become more comfortable and open to talking things through with you.
Be prepared for denial.
If he really didn't do what you thought he did, he will deny it because it's not even true in the first place. However, if you're sure about the thing that you're confronting him with, observe his body language. If he can't manage to have eye contact with you, chances are he's lying. The truth is, some men speak lies like it's a walk in the park.
If you found out that he cheated and you already have all the evidence but he still denies it, there's nothing you can do about it. Just let it go. You can't force the truth out of him if he doesn't want to give it to you.
If your guy tells you the truth, good. If he doesn't, you better think twice about continuing the relationship. Unfaithfulness doesn't have a place in any healthy relationship.
No matter what he might have done, the best way to deal with the situation is by confronting him calmly and with a rational mind. The answer you're going to get might hurt you, but it is better to get the painful truth out than to abruptly end the relationship without knowing what really happened. Never let your emotions get the best of you.
Do you know of other ways of confronting a boyfriend? Leave your comments below!
